I am a horgger...a horrible blogger. I stalk everybody else's blogs but never update mine so here comes a massive update. Not sure if anyone really wants to read this, but blogging is a journal and I need to write stuff down before I forget.
Part 1 of my novel is an update of my little guy growing inside my belly.
I'm 31 weeks now. Time has gone by so fast!! I'm quickly realizing how much I really don't know anything. Like breastfeeding and delivery? I've never watched a baby being born. (I watched my mom get induced and watched the nurse break her water with a giant crochet hook when I was 12 and have never wanted to see anything like that again.) I have no idea what to expect, except for when people tell me, "Right when you think you're about to die, you have your baby." I'm planning on taking a class in May. I know, a little late in the game, but I think it'll ease my mind. I hate being unprepared. Although, I know things hardly ever go according to plan during delivery so being completely prepared is kind of out the window, but still it can only help.
I've gained 30 lbs so far which really, isn't so bad. Okay, that's such a lie. I freak out with every pound. Gaining weight is really depressing and the stretch marks on my hips make me feel unpretty. I can't make love in the daylight. I look at my body and do not feel sexy whatsoever. I'm vain, I'll admit it. Losing my body is a big sacrifice, but I think Heavenly Father did it on purpose to prepare us for the many sacrifices we will make in the future. And having a family and having that special spirit is way more than worth it. I am now seeing the doctor every two weeks which is freaky cause it always felt like I'd never get to this point. Don has come with me to every single appointment which has been wonderful. He has seriously been my rock. I'd be in the nut house if it weren't for him knocking some sense into me.
I had my baby shower a couple weekends ago (pictures to come...this is only part 1 of the novel.) It was a ton of fun. Thanks friends and family for coming!! I got wonderful presents, we played fun games which involved lots of candy and I think I ate a whole vegetable pizza by myself. I really had a blast with everyone. Don had woken up that morning around 7:30 and said, "I'm going to Mesa and buying a crib!" I love how he's into the whole "nesting" (hate that term) thing with me. He came home with a crib, changing table, and bedding set. And they're absolutely beautiful! It was great to finally have stuff for Carter. It felt more real. And the more real part came with a lot of tears that weekend too. Don and I were going through all of our stuff, talking about what we need to do in the next few months and I buried my head and balled. Don was all, "Are you crying?!!" I felt so overwhelmed with not knowing anything. And what if I do something stupid and kill my baby? How do I take care of this person who completely depends on me? How do I teach him all that I know? Don told me that I'm not alone and that we're a team and we can do it. He also reminded me of all the stupid people in the world that shouldn't have babies and somehow they keep them alive so I definitely can too. It made me feel so much better. It just made me so grateful for families and for an awesome best friend who will always be there.
I'm sick of working. I work 7 hours a day and I'm mostly on my feet. I get a little swollen, but not too bad yet. My stomach feels like it's ripping off though. It is so painful I want to cry sometimes. I still have to figure out my maternity leave and I'm crossing my fingers that my bosses will let me at least have 4 months off (they're super nice like that.) I do know that I'm not working in June. I'm already whiny and pissy at 7 months so I want to leave on a semi-good note. I work with a lot of customers so I get lots of unwanted advice and wonderful expressions like, "Oh my gosh, you're huge!" I talked to a lady the other day that was completely shocked and acted sort of disgusted that I'm going to breastfeed. People are weird and when Carter is here I plan on going into hiding and just hang out with my boys away from the crazies.
The absolute BEST thing of pregnancy has been the kicking and squirming. I love it when it totally catches you off guard. I swear he does back flips in there. A couple months ago, Don got home late from work, spooned me in bed and put his hand on my belly. It was the first time Carter kicked him really hard and I could tell Don got really excited, but I still acted like I was asleep. I didn't want to ruin the moment. We felt like a little family already.
Note to my son:
Carter,
I'm so excited to meet you and hold you in my arms. I can't wait to cuddle and sing you to sleep. I'm so blessed that I get to be your mom and I'm sorry for my selfish moments when I freak out. I'm going to try to be the best mom I can be. Your dad and I love you so much more than we can tell you. Keep growing healthy and strong in there and I will try my best to stop eating so much sugar.
Love you,
Mom
Part 1 of my novel is an update of my little guy growing inside my belly.
I'm 31 weeks now. Time has gone by so fast!! I'm quickly realizing how much I really don't know anything. Like breastfeeding and delivery? I've never watched a baby being born. (I watched my mom get induced and watched the nurse break her water with a giant crochet hook when I was 12 and have never wanted to see anything like that again.) I have no idea what to expect, except for when people tell me, "Right when you think you're about to die, you have your baby." I'm planning on taking a class in May. I know, a little late in the game, but I think it'll ease my mind. I hate being unprepared. Although, I know things hardly ever go according to plan during delivery so being completely prepared is kind of out the window, but still it can only help.
I've gained 30 lbs so far which really, isn't so bad. Okay, that's such a lie. I freak out with every pound. Gaining weight is really depressing and the stretch marks on my hips make me feel unpretty. I can't make love in the daylight. I look at my body and do not feel sexy whatsoever. I'm vain, I'll admit it. Losing my body is a big sacrifice, but I think Heavenly Father did it on purpose to prepare us for the many sacrifices we will make in the future. And having a family and having that special spirit is way more than worth it. I am now seeing the doctor every two weeks which is freaky cause it always felt like I'd never get to this point. Don has come with me to every single appointment which has been wonderful. He has seriously been my rock. I'd be in the nut house if it weren't for him knocking some sense into me.
I had my baby shower a couple weekends ago (pictures to come...this is only part 1 of the novel.) It was a ton of fun. Thanks friends and family for coming!! I got wonderful presents, we played fun games which involved lots of candy and I think I ate a whole vegetable pizza by myself. I really had a blast with everyone. Don had woken up that morning around 7:30 and said, "I'm going to Mesa and buying a crib!" I love how he's into the whole "nesting" (hate that term) thing with me. He came home with a crib, changing table, and bedding set. And they're absolutely beautiful! It was great to finally have stuff for Carter. It felt more real. And the more real part came with a lot of tears that weekend too. Don and I were going through all of our stuff, talking about what we need to do in the next few months and I buried my head and balled. Don was all, "Are you crying?!!" I felt so overwhelmed with not knowing anything. And what if I do something stupid and kill my baby? How do I take care of this person who completely depends on me? How do I teach him all that I know? Don told me that I'm not alone and that we're a team and we can do it. He also reminded me of all the stupid people in the world that shouldn't have babies and somehow they keep them alive so I definitely can too. It made me feel so much better. It just made me so grateful for families and for an awesome best friend who will always be there.
I'm sick of working. I work 7 hours a day and I'm mostly on my feet. I get a little swollen, but not too bad yet. My stomach feels like it's ripping off though. It is so painful I want to cry sometimes. I still have to figure out my maternity leave and I'm crossing my fingers that my bosses will let me at least have 4 months off (they're super nice like that.) I do know that I'm not working in June. I'm already whiny and pissy at 7 months so I want to leave on a semi-good note. I work with a lot of customers so I get lots of unwanted advice and wonderful expressions like, "Oh my gosh, you're huge!" I talked to a lady the other day that was completely shocked and acted sort of disgusted that I'm going to breastfeed. People are weird and when Carter is here I plan on going into hiding and just hang out with my boys away from the crazies.
The absolute BEST thing of pregnancy has been the kicking and squirming. I love it when it totally catches you off guard. I swear he does back flips in there. A couple months ago, Don got home late from work, spooned me in bed and put his hand on my belly. It was the first time Carter kicked him really hard and I could tell Don got really excited, but I still acted like I was asleep. I didn't want to ruin the moment. We felt like a little family already.
Note to my son:
Carter,
I'm so excited to meet you and hold you in my arms. I can't wait to cuddle and sing you to sleep. I'm so blessed that I get to be your mom and I'm sorry for my selfish moments when I freak out. I'm going to try to be the best mom I can be. Your dad and I love you so much more than we can tell you. Keep growing healthy and strong in there and I will try my best to stop eating so much sugar.
Love you,
Mom
5 comments:
Lauren, I love you sooo much! It was sooo good to talk to you on the phone the other night--for over two hours!!! Losing your body sucks and it will never be quite the same, but I promise, one day you WILL FEEL SEXY AGAIN. :) And you'll have a cute baby boy too. You have more patience than me. You will be a WONDERFUL mother--I'm sure I will learn so much from watching you. You are so right about so many things in this post. My two cents about labor: a lot of it is mental. Remember that the pain is good. Relax all your muscles. It will all be over so fast. Plus, modern medicine rocks. There's nothing to fear.
I think your date at the top is wrong. :(
As for the background, my template settings has no background at all. I remember it took me a lot of messing around--I think under advanced--to figure out how to get that pesky white top off. I really can't remember! Ask Rachel. She might remember though.
So cute Lauren. I hope it wasnt me that made you feel like your not ready. Cuz i know I kept asking what else you needed. Thats just all the stuff I forgot about. You should have seen what I registered for by myself. I didnt know anything the baby needed. But lacey took me back and helped. So im sooo sorry if i made you feel like your not ready :( Honestly I didnt know anything and was so nervous about being an actual mom. All they need in the beggining is diapers-the boob (or formula)-and a mom and dad to love them.
Reading over this made all those exact feelings come back that I had last year. And Ill still help with finalizing everything before Carter comes. Dont stress because you do just get this motherly instinct and know what bebe needs. You can always make Don go get things you forgot to get after bebe.
GOsh Im getting all emotional. I loved this. I can't wait for you to experience all the love motherhood brings. I love you! Not much longer now!
Lauren, I love your blog and I love you! I like how honest you are :) And you're not alone in those feelings... worried about killing your baby! Um yea, and don is right. I'm glad you have him and he's so supportive. You will good take care of your baby. This baby is very lucky and will be so happy to come to a home that loves him as much as you guys do! You're a good mother for even worrying about that. Good luck with delivery. We'll be praying that everything goes well :)
Necia
Youre so cute Lauren! And I love that Don is already such a good dad! You both will rock at being parents! A little thing that helped me while I freaked out about having a kid was a website called babycenter.com and its so wonderful because when you sign up on it, it sends you emails every week of how your baby looks that week in your tummy and what new things are growing AND it talks about birthing and nursing and everything else. Its a fantastic site, and I hope it will be good for you too! I can't wait to see the little Thompson boy and am so happy for you guys!
Lauren, you are so cute! I remember having all those feelings almost like it was yesterday! As for your concerns, here's my opinions whether or not you want to hear them. About labor: you cannont stay pregnant forever. One way or another the baby will get out even if you have no idea what you are doing! :) Don't worry too much. It is gross and painful and you'll loose every little sence of decendy you've got, but you'll have wonderful nurses who will help you every step of the way.
About babies: they are incredibly resilient little creatures. They come prepared to withstand every mistake a mother can make! Just look at my kids! Have fun and enjoy this time with Don! Seriously though, really take advantage of this time and go on a lot of dates. That's my advice. I could go on for hours though. Can't wait to meet this little guy, and I can't wait to see how cute his little nursery is turning out!
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